Journal to the Next Issue—A Personal Blog of Small Import
AutoSimSport Magazine
Volume 5, Issue 2
Juneish, 2009
Bob Simmerman
March 24th, 2009
Given the recent (for like the past three years, non-stop) criticisms regarding paltry content submissions, and a general lack of ‘gumption’, well, I have decided to choke my fearless leader with so much content it might take two issues to reveal all of it! I have decided to keep a sort of journal, and will write in it right up until the time of deadline submission of the next issue. I will try to write in it every day, but, life can take us places we sometimes do not wish to go, and most often there isn’t a pencil in sight. I am at work now, so I can’t write a lot right now, but more is coming…
*****
….powered up XBOX 360, check for red lights. No red lights. Put in race car game. Still no patch, don’t feel like game pad today, will next fire up PC and drive car with my name on it in GTR Evolution. Game made by same guys as XBOX game. Crazy bastards got me, coming and going. I will be playing on my i7 920 Intel quad core/two threads per core, eight effective cores and I was also able to jam 2 ATI 4870 HD cards in there, in the case, tight fit, but all went in just fine. Fans loud. Loaded up a GTR2 session, maxed every possible graphic setting, loaded up Spa with 62 total cars, drove some laps, frame rate never below 80, not the 200+ I now get with iRacing, but damn fine just the same. When I got the game, GTR2, I could never run it full max, full cars, full Spa, now I can. Crossfire good. Intel good.
I’ll skip the fiasco that got me to this point, it is no more than a tale of irresponsibility and pure dumb luck, sort of like some Formula One careers, but not Takuma Sato since he tries very hard, like I do, but often comes up short, like I do, but half of Japan doesn’t want to see me in a race car and the other half doesn’t really care what the first half thinks anyway. Maybe Obama will print more money today, I sure could use some, broke as I am, but, things aren’t so bad now that I can’t use 16x Aniso in iRacing and still push over 200 frames per second, XBOX RROD 360 can wait some more…might try more zombie killing on PS3, that Resident Evil 5 is awesome, the best part when you die, the camera switches to a ground point of view, with you looking up, your gaze meeting deeply into the soulless eyes of a zombie horde curb stomping you to death. Your blood can be seen splashing up, but, thankfully, you are fully dead when they begin to eat you brains…you did not save the world today, but maybe the guy who keeps printing money did. Or will. Not that I care, I would have to borrow money to be poor anyway…
*****
I have a bit of time, so I shall write some more. I am still in major disbelief at that ATI Crossfire deal, I had thought all these years that SLI/Crossfire was just another marketing trick, boy was I wrong. I watched the Cup Bristol race this past weekend, and really wanted to fire it up in iRacing, the Impala SS COT at Bristol. I get to the track, and things look pretty good, but this is new fancy i7 chip and double graphics cards, maybe it can look better.
So I go to graphics and make settings to their maxed out values. I even added the ‘extra’ shadows. Of course, now I have to exit game since you can’t do graphics changes on the fly with iRacing, but super rig is super fast and exiting and restarting took very little time. I had enabled the Crossfire logo to appear when Crossfire was active, sure enough, ATI fancy logo shows up in game. As I hit the track, I am seeing 200+ FPS. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the human eye can only see this amount or that amount or whatever amount, what I care about is overhead. I look at it like this—what’s the best way to make 100 watts sound ultra bad ass? By having 200 watts behind it.
Overhead.
Not a tax write-off, but good for gaming, in my opinion. VSYNC off, no matter, no screen issues. I drive, Bristol is tough, very tough, it is eerie how amazingly similar to real life track this fake laser scanned one is. Next I go to The Glen, the old time layout, and drive that for a while. Notice some shadow artifact maybe that is the ‘extra’ part of ‘extra shadows’.
After a while it drives me insane, I turn it off and then jump in the Riley. This simulator is incredible, but it holds then releases my interest, I can’t find my ‘place’ in this sim, so easy with other sims, iRacing holds different philosophies, different goals, and different audience. I will find a way to comply. I must, it cost a lot of money, and I have yet to set up an online session with only buddies. I hate that, I hope they fix that. I hope they get some telemetry in, and, HEY—doesn’t it rain in Boston???? Maybe only when Yankees in town…
The gauges on the Impala SS are stunning. Reminds me of the gauges I saw one time in Dale Earnhardt Jrs car at a night race, pretty colors, red for too much revving, green when you have pit lane RPM, blue other times. Easy on the eyes, like Uma Thurman. I drove the Radical next, and then exited for the night, I had to jump to other PC and see how my NVIDIA Folding at Home is going. Is going well. Have long ago beaten Spadge in computations, but continue as the humiliation level is still too low.
I think his brother must have eleventy million computers or a Playstation 3, man, that guy has a lot of folding done. I continue checks, no Aliens, no Einsteinian gravitational waves, at least not on my rig, probably win fancy science prize if something discovered, probably not many care, I sure don’t. But it gives my PC something to do when I am away, and I am sure I can figure out proper tax burden of donated PC time, probably millions of dollars these days, have to call Governor to find out exact amount. I will wait until next election, I don’t like this Governor, she does not have states best interest in mind, and sometimes says things that are simply not true, but they are the sorts of things Governors say from time to time, to appease the masses, to lure yet another environment destroying-non tax paying Giant Corporation to our fine state. There are dull gray pools of mercury at the bottom of Lake Michigan. They are there, but Governor in Lansing, where job is.
Nearly lunch time, I will have to stop for now.
Time progressed and work ended for the day. Still upset over financial situation, the global deal, laws passed to allow for bonuses, loud talk later in wrong direction. Upset, disgruntled, thin sheen of rage but I will keep paying my bills and choking down the reality that those who were in this for nefarious reasons most likely paying 4 points less on home than me, but that is envy of neighbor and who wishes to envy scum? Who wishes to envy liar? So I will not.
Famished, I left the lab and headed for the studio. I have been working as a researcher on a documentary about Lyme disease for some time now, hence my reason for being within a hundred miles of a proper and fully functional ‘studio’. Got there, door was locked, walked back to car to get forgotten cell phone to call friend and ask to unlock door. Got answering machine instead but they may have left for the evening. As I walked back to my car for the second time, I spied a park bench, empty. I sat down and in the strong wind framed by a cold gray sky I thought of what I wanted to do next—go home, or eat right then and there. The warmth of the car was certainly attractive, but hunger a bit stronger of influence at this particular time in my life. While it is true that Modes Bum Steer is a non smoking establishment, it is not true that I had one before I went in.
I ordered the eight ounce center cut filet since I lack the necessary credit or assets for larger portions, but it was enough, as most good meals are. Even the bill can’t ruin a meal that good. Satiated in terms of hunger, I approached my 2008 Pontiac G6 and made my way for home, looking forward to another evening amongst the strange trappings only a life of privation can bring. I looked forward to powering up the new i7 rig and turning some laps. Or, I might read Watchmen again. I might give 300 another view. It would be difficult to decide until I got home as my attentions often wander farther than my moods. One damn thing for sure, a proper cup of Maxwell House instant coffee and a Maverick full flavor cigarette (buck fifty a pack cheaper than reds…) would be one of the first things I did, I can pretty much guarantee that.
And coffee it was. Ultimately, I decided to write some more instead of trying to make it through eight seconds of Resident Evil 5 on ‘sissy’ level, or show the Red Sox a thing or two with MLB The Show 09. It’s for the Playstation 3.
I have to admit, I really liked this months cover of the magazine. I never know what the cover is going to be until I download the magazine, but this one is just special. A lot of memories came flooding back to me like a hat full of clichés, I found it most delightful. I think that sometimes he uses too much red, or black, or, both, in vast amounts together; their pairing perhaps obscene, but I like them just the same. It is hard to believe we are fully into our fifth year, in the beginning I was sure it wouldn’t last five months! I am happy to have been proven wrong. It has not always been easy, or pleasant, but when taken in sum it has been remarkable.
I find it ironic that I began college—for the second time—with every intention of being a journalist, only to discover that five years later I had somehow become a chemist, and, thirteen years after that a full blown freelance writer, and, of course since I need to eat, a fully employed analytical chemist. Not the sort of freelance writer that makes any money, mind you, no doubt the flaws of my prose don’t need to be written out, but so far no one has died and the experience has been irreplaceable and if nothing more my work here has finally given me the motivation to finally, finally, write a novel. Not the Great American Novel, no, more like the ‘I Finally Wrote a Book’ kind of tome. It will be a big task as novels have a lot of words in them. Maybe, instead, I will gather every single article I ever wrote for AutoSimSport and collate them and then use Big Font Title Pages to round it out, to give it that ‘novel’ feel. Something Target would be proud to display, perhaps next to the latest Farmers Almanac.
It could happen.
*****
I should install Falcon 4.0 and Grand Prix Legends on the new rig soon. Fed cat, litter box can go a day or two more, it is automatic cleaning kind until bin is full then it is like any other box for cats; foul of sight and smell. Set up camera on tripod, position for next video. Finally found out how to work around complete lack of lighting knowledge, while not as good as just having good lighting, no longer renders videos completely useless. Learned on my own, this, found it all by myself in Sony Vegas, probably a similar gizmo in my Pinnacle Studio Plus as well. I got a ‘green screen’ with the Pinnacle software package, but have yet to use it as I do not fully understand the intricacies of green screen, but understand final effect so may someday understand, will help video’s in terms of overall ‘interest’. Maybe I will green screen myself into a 1967 Lotus or 1979 Ferrari and live vicariously through myself living vicariously through a computer simulator. Then again this all sounds very complicated, for now will keep green screen in window to block in—lookers from seeing stuff, worry about fancy movie career later.
*****
I just finished up taking some photos around the house, and am now planning to fire up iRacing and get some screenshots of that ultra gorgeous Riley, and the stunning Impala SS. Damn that guy is good. Plus, with new super rig, can turn on all bells and whistles and while driving is not so good, looking around has never been better. Of course, the shots will not retain their true glory and spectacle once rendered and reproduced, but enough should get through, just enough, to give one a glimpse at what is special here.
Don’t think for one second I don’t have mixed feelings about all of this. There most certainly was, and is, a split in our community and there are still, to this day, legal matters to attend to, utterances and publications under an oath to God, who for some reason we think will scare all into telling truth of matters, yes, there are still matters of legality in action. I have no idea why, I just hope it all settles out and no one gets hurt. What do you do?
Surely, you support your friends, surely that. But to what extent? We live in a world where a brother turned on another brother and The Unabomber was no more, they even put his shack in jail. My point is a distasteful one, and it is bitter at the tip of my tongue, but shall we not endeavor to find out the whole truth, no matter how it may contradict with our feelings?
I dare go no further, but I wish it known that I do not look at iRacing the same as every other video game product I have, I cannot help but feel a twinge of guilt, at times, but I continue anyway. You can’t help but think about it, you can’t help but wonder if you have even half the facts. I hate it that such a groundbreaking and stunning achievement is surrounded by such controversy, years long legal wrangling, and a community full of angry folks, some of it no doubt justified, some of it no doubt self righteous indignation, the sort we all can express on the greatest soapbox ever invented, the internet.
I wonder if the world has become so small now that we need more than our piece of it.
Ahhh, more coffee and nicotine. Surely, both Heaven and Hell have at least the coffee in common? It just works, you know?
*****
Finally took a look at ‘multimedia somethingorother’, some sort of phone message, the type of which I have never seen before, from Martini, had to enter complicated codes and passwords online to view. Fool only sent strange picture of himself, adding to movie for sure. Note to self—put Martini on the list. Wasting night watching TV. NCAA not even on. Watching show about Great Lakes, and their wealth of salt in the very structure of them. Trillions of tons or some such. Bitter with the sweet…
Writing easier tonight for some reason. Should start early working on next issue. Last minute is difficult, writing is difficult then.
*****
I am always late for work at my real job but for some reason I just can’t wake up in the morning. I used to be up at 6:30 am, no matter the damage from the night before, and be ready to go in fifteen minutes. But things gradually changed for some reason. I wrack my brain high and low, and lower still, but an answer I never discover. It was a gradual thing at first, that much I do know, but as I have grown older and reached that painful plateau known as middle age, my life has seemed to exist in a staggered arrangement of starts and stops, as if reality was having a seizure of some sort. I simply don’t know what to say to be honest. I try to go to bed early, but for some reason, sleep eludes me as Hemingway’s talent eludes me. Reading briefly back, this is rather melodramatic and was certainly not my intention—sleep problems are serious business whether they are due to a mental disorder or imbalance, some type of stress inducing incident, whatever the case, it is no laughing matter. I have to figure it out because it simply can’t continue, and adds a degree of guilt to my life that I do not desire, but fully deserve most likely.
I have tried to force myself to sleep, to simply go to bed and stay, whether sleep comes or not, for the entire ‘eight hours’ of sleep that we theoretically need. I’m no rocket scientist, Jim, but even that doesn’t work. Somehow it doesn’t fit, I mean, I could, while even in my mid twenties, survive on four hours. Four hours of sleep! I wouldn’t be shuttle pilot worthy or anything like that the next day, but I could certainly calculate probabilities in quantum mechanics in my Modern Physics 247 class, for example, if need be.
Maybe I just want to be young again, like we all do, and simply can’t deal with it. By staying awake as much as humanly possible, by will or by fate, one may capture more moments in ones life, more chances to do the right thing, or the wrong thing, or anything for that matter. Of course, worry is foolish; we all realize nothing can really be done about anything by a single, sleep deprived, privated, and semi-stable human being in the middle of the night, so might as well get some sleep.
At the end of the day. Sleep.
I should ask the doctor about it, and I probably will, I just don’t want to end up all hopped up on bennies and goofballs…
And with that last, I must retire for the evening.
3-24-09 [10:00 am-10:30 pm, across the road from (Chuck) Bronson Lake]
March 25th, 2009
I just got an email, it turns out the studio door was unlocked the entire time; I just didn’t push hard enough or something. I must not have eaten enough greens like Grandma from the south told me to all the time; I just didn’t have the strength for it. And, if I remember correctly, I thought the restaurant was closed as well until the door finally gave way under my feeble touch. Old and senseless, rapidly approaching, what is it about middle life that freaks guys out? I, and many others, used to think this was just a made up thing that didn’t really happen, a reason for guys to do all sorts of things, some of them horrible things. But a woman told me once that it wasn’t like that, it really is a ‘thing’ that really happens. I figured she knew what she was talking about. I wonder when you snap out of it. I’ll just keep playing video games and writing about them and try to hold on to a youthful attitude as long as I can, fighting the inevitable, fighting the fact that this, this right here and now, is halfway to the grave.
*****
Just getting up, see that cat threw up on floor. Dumb cat. Not her fault, I suppose it is normal, I am sure every animal eats ten times their body weight in only a few hours, in general. Well, at least I didn’t step in it this time, cold, disgusting shock in the dark morning that. No socks, like cold coffee or relit cigarette, days old. I hope there aren’t any fallen trees in the road; I keep forgetting how common that is this time of year. The road is narrow, like the minds of dangerous strangers. Full of deer as well, they are darker than most whitetail deer in Michigan, having swampland in their past, and present. It has been a tough winter for them, for us all, really. Even on this day of March, snow is everywhere, reminding us already of next winter. It is depressing, we are meant to see the sun.
*****
Of course, there is more…
Bluetooth headset on, phone connected, coffee in one hand and a bag that had ASM BIODEFENSE printed on it in the other hand, my Pontiac awaits. Filthy, one of Detroit’s finest reduced to mere testimony that a road is made of dirt instead of hardened, previously liquefied, dead dinosaurs. It’s a nice car, I will say that. My last car was a disaster; much like my first new car was a disaster back in ninety-eight. All leases, I am an equal opportunity idiot, I suppose, renting cars as well as houses when I can afford to buy both.
Had to get rid of previous car as warranty was running out and I am a firm believer that Lemon Cars don’t magically stop breaking down after the warranty is up. Unfortunately, I am paying for that in this current lease, to the tune of nearly five hundred dollars a month with nearly three hundred of that going to the lease of the POS Monte Carlo I got jammed with, no matter that I won a Lemon Lawsuit, no, the manufacturer not only gets that back, but seven thousand dollars more when the lease is up. Tough to go out of business with a business model like that. I sent a few emails to the attorneys, to see if this could actually be done, but they never replied. I do, however, get their occasional emails advertising some sort of lawyer and car special something or other.
I have a love hate relationship with cars, mostly hate truth be told, odd wonder I love racing simulators so much. But, what’s not to love—not a lawyer in sight! That will officially be my first, and last, lawyer joke. I swear. Then again, this is really no more than a journal, a personal thing with nothing to hide, surely welcome to any interested public, and great exercise for me, the once incessant writer for no reason at all, turned jaded and cynical after an imagined career of small importance who barely writes a thing any more.
But that is not to say I am not busy. Sure, the writing may not look or seem like much, but in most cases it is the result of a lot of difficult and time consuming work, at least if you want to do more than a half hearted attempt, that is. Game play, research, play testing, it soon becomes a full time job, literally. I don’t always get to play—or write—as much about a topic as I would like, but I am pretty guilt free in that regard, but not completely guilt free. It looks good on the taxes, I suppose. The writing, that is, I still have to figure a way to claim all these damn gizmos I bought years ago, perhaps some sort of telepathic angle…
I just returned from my sixth month health checkup, I need to go to these things so that they may monitor my condition. I am on long term medication therapy for an anxiety disorder of some type, and in order to keep getting the meds, I have to be checked out—this isn’t the sort of thing a doctor can just phone in and then you can just pick it up, no, it is one of the ‘Scheduled’ medications, meaning, to some, that it has vast ‘street value’ potential. Personally, I would rather be normal than rich, so I take them instead of sell them.
I also saw the new electronic gizmos they have to store patient information and, among a million other things, he electronically sent my prescription refill information right to the pharmacy, further enhancing the security of dispensing dangerous medications.
I found out recently that all of the world’s supply of Viagra is made in Ireland. I can believe it; I mean, why stop with just Guinness? You need a reason to drink, after all, and if the Irish have done nothing else, they have certainly given us a reason to drink. Remember—erections lasting four hours or longer (bad, I know…) require immediate attention, call the doctor. Or Ron Jeremy, if you have his number…
All fine at the doctor front, I am going to meet a gal tonight for the first time, one of those ‘dates’ people are always talking about. We have spoken on the phone a few times and sent some emails back and forth, and so far she sounds like a winner. Course, wont know until later but I will keep an eye out for subtle signs she may not like me:
She suddenly stands up and runs away. Nothing is on fire.
I feel a terribly painful burning sensation in my eyes and face, and for some strange reason have a craving for salt.
I don’t have any hard and fast rules, or even much experience, but I don’t want the neighbors to get the wrong idea that I am some locked in the woods Kaczynski type who only lives to cause trouble for others. Not me. Didn’t do it.
*****
We met at a charming restaurant and I was surprised as I was not consumed by anxiety, but I was a bit nervous, which is probably understandable given my inexperience in this area. Honestly, when she walked through the door, I felt my breath catch a bit, she was stunning. After a brief introduction, we were seated and the night began. It was one of the most wonderful nights I have ever spent with another human being, there in that restaurant. There were no tensions, no agendas, and no undercurrents; just two people who had never met before enjoying each others company for a few hours, getting to know one another a bit more. I felt very comfortable and confident, not the confidence that is really arrogance that is really a shield for insecurity, but the confidence that I was all that I could be, that is, I was simply myself. Of course, I cannot read her thoughts, I do not know her feelings, but she did not run away, and we laughed together more than once, as our conversation progressed and unfolded., I don’t think there was so much as a second of that ‘uncomfortable silence’ that we all know about and all dread, especially on a first date, it really was something. I have no idea where it will go from here, it was, after all, a first date and you really can’t make life changing decisions on a flimsy basis such as that but the date ended well, and I am sure I will see her again, heart beating a bit faster at that last. No matter how this turns out, those three hours will be with me forever.
*****
Should probably call it a night, getting kind of late. I thought about turning a few laps, even turned the rig on, but ultimately decided to not stay up half the damn night again, besides, can only really think about evening with a very nice lady. I am looking forward to seeing her again, people like her give me hope that the world is not such a bad place after all, certainly no place you need to stay up all night watching just in case something does goes awry. A lot of tax dollars make that happen, perhaps, bed maker factories make more money as more people stop worrying about everything and just sleep. Big day tomorrow, a lot to do at real life job, a bit of Super Hero loose ends to wrap up, and a few shots of GTR Evolution, me in the car that has my name and another community members name on it, a Mr. Wright, blazing around the Nordschleife. Name on car thanks to guys who did XBOX game and GTR Evolution among many others, it is tough to stay mad.
3-25-09
March 26th, 2009
It’s evening now, and the first of the games is being played on TV. I can’t wait to finally see some Formula One action tomorrow, still can’t believe it is here already. I am sorry that Takuma won’t be racing this year, but maybe that Button fella will get that elusive second win. Right this instant, I am feeling kind of strange, and I don’t really know why. It isn’t because of the sudden instrument problems that really upset me late in the workday, no, it isn’t that because I will eventually resolve that as no matter how grim things look, usually a way to get job done anyway, finally. No, that isn’t it. I have been thinking about my date last night, and more specifically, the lady I was with. In all honesty I was quite taken with her, and I haven’t had that much fun, I haven’t laughed with someone else like that in a long time. I am sure that the night ended well, at least I hope it did. In some situations I don’t seem to have a clue about what to do. Both of us got into our cars and made our way to our homes, somehow that even seemed pleasant. But I can’t shake this feeling that something didn’t go well, and for the life of me I can’t put my finger on it, no epiphany in sight.
Of course I worry, and probably shouldn’t, but the fact is that this is the part of dating I don’t know what to do next. Don’t get me wrong, I am not sitting here in a rampaging waterfall of anxiety, but I keep second guessing everything and now feel odd about it. If anything is wrong, it is certainly of my doing. Where is the rule book! I had dated a nice lady a few weeks ago for a short time and we eventually went our separate ways but before that it had been nearly 19 years before I had done any serious dating and by that I mean the dinner/movie/dancing/walk on the beach with the same person for more than a few hours. No kidding, that was my last experience before this. And I wasn’t very good at it then, either. I know that I shouldn’t call, so I won’t…but I really don’t know much more than that! Perhaps a bit of time will bring resolution, one way or the other.
I have to stop worrying, and now. Worry is a muddied reflection of the past, and the past is the arena of the damned.
Sometimes, I just don’t know what to do. I should probably adjust the camera and get the shot lined up and framed decently for the next video. I have no idea what it will be about, but I will think of something. I really like making those videos, horrible as some of them are, but now I am becoming more focused, I want a message to come through and that is going to require a step up, a deviation from the norm. I am getting very comfortable with the software; the functionality and feature set are quite amazing, at least from where I am sitting. I have to get this lighting thing kicked, though. While it is true you can fiddle with brightness and contrast settings with the footage, much like you can with a photograph, it is simply better to get the lighting correct. Further, I can’t say enough about how important the White Balance (WB) is as well, lest you find your whites stained yellow, like laundry in stream full of iron.
My camera films LCD monitors and televisions best when WB is set to auto, but for regular video creation, manual control of the white balance is required. But you absolutely need some light, and lots of it. There is a difficulty here, however, in that as you look through the viewfinder of the camera, in reality an LCD panel, you never are quite sure if the actual image filmed will be dark, or if the LCD is simply too dark, or at the wrong angle? One time I sat about eighteen inches from two 750 watt halogen lamps and it was hot. At the studio, those times I was there when filming was going on, same thing, hot lamps and bright light. I am sure I will eventually fully understand the basics, but maybe not the subtleties, of proper lighting. Not surprisingly, my favorite videos to make at the moment are the racing simulators, console or PC, it really is a lot of fun and I have a lot of new ideas of what to do next as far as content and techniques. Huge fun.
The road that I take to get to my house is in abysmal shape, and my left front wheel is paying a dear price for it. Bent just beyond the bead, the pot holes I have hit have had devastating effect. A few weeks ago, it began to lose air pressure, slowly, and I began to suspect that the severe bend in the wheel, although having held air for months, was now beyond hope. A new wheel was going to cost me about a hundred and fifty bucks as quoted by the dealer who sold my car to me, not a King’s ransom, but a damn high amount to most of us. Seeking another quote, I went across the street from the lab and had the fella over there take a look. He took a look alright, and then he said “I’ll be right back”. Soon he returned, with an assortment of ball peen hammers. “That’s a steel rim, I can bang it back into shape” and sure enough he did. Then he put air in it and damned if that thing didn’t hold it! For weeks!! Unfortunately, it would appear that something has changed, probably the potholes on this damn dirt road, and the tire is now slowly losing air again and no doubt I will have to eventually get this attended to properly.
Starving. Check NCAA score and turn on oven to make Little Caesar pizza from pizza kit. And then I better get some sim stuff in here or this thing will never get published! After, install Power and Glory mod. Stop worrying about date; have to not wonder on that too much. But it is tough, very tough. Was my perception of the night one of bad focus? I hope all went well because she is really something. Just calm down.
I have decided to watch the F1, it’s on right now!!! Martini just sent me a text wanting the top six times in practice, fool, took me nearly an hour to type on that small phone keyboard, idiot is probably sitting in front of a high def set right now, only doing this to enrage me. It worked. Ah, now I see he just texted me again and wanted the final times, not the current times I just spent the last hour entering with that tiny keyboard. Idiot. He gets nothing.
I just checked, sure enough F1 is, in fact, really on, but I wont get to watch the action until three hours from now when Speed re-airs it. I doubt I will be up that late, don’t feel like being late to work again, and though I was late this morning, not as late as usual, making progress there, will try and keep that up. Although I did fall asleep on the couch for a few hours after work, I will have to try hard to sleep now. Maybe a cup of coffee will do the trick…
More tomorrow.
March 27th, 2009
Not much to say today, really. The equipment problems at work sorted themselves out, but I have no idea why. I made a couple calls today, but was only able to leave a message, and still no word via email. Probably no big deal, it has only been a couple days after all, and it certainly was not of a vastly serious nature. But things keep running in my mind, I should have taken my dress shoes to work, for one thing. Maybe that didn’t matter at all. I am simply not going to be consumed by this, things went great, and it will resolve eventually, one way or the other.
Formula one qualifying is on at 2:00 am on Speed, I will try and remember to get the VCR ready, really looking forward to seeing those new cars. Should probably wrap it up for the night, don’t want to miss the F1.
March 28th, 2009
Just finished up with a RacePro session, restarted career in novice mode to start gathering achievements, but when I made a couple of them—novice pole winner and novice race winner—the achievements didn’t unlock, I am supposing that I did something wrong. The FFB workaround seemed to have worked better today, and the driving really is pretty good. Caterham, F3000, and the WTCC Alfa Romeo were my rides of choice. I hope that the soon to be released patch addresses some of the main issues, notably the FFB issues.
Have some lab work to do; working on updating the SOP documents for one of the analysis methods, there have been some equipment changes so the thing needs to be updated to incorporate them, as well as more detailed discussions of data management and control. I enjoy that sort of writing, I get to use that fancy degree I got in college as well as my writing experience. It can be tedious, especially when the work includes extensive tables of long name chemicals with lots of hyphens, parenthesis, and strange Roman and Greek characters.
The sun is out, but it is rather cold, 29 degrees F, and there is a winter storm warning for many counties in the area including mine. It doesn’t look like anything could possibly be headed our way, but, the warning has been up for some time now and I have been in this area long enough to realize just how quickly the weather can change from manageable to treacherous. It is not to be taken lightly, especially any time that snow is possible. The roads are already bad enough with the recent winter pounding; it doesn’t take much to make them slippery and difficult. I will have to go out eventually as I am going to pick up some data from the lab to process at home.
In case Denton doesn’t return, I wanted to at least journalize my iRacing thoughts, just some quick notes on how I felt about the product, from an end-user standpoint.
iRacing does Well
Statistics tracking of driver. Damn fine.
Net code, ease of use and stability are no brainers.
Sure, the tracks cost money–just don’t step on pebble #255345 that has been modeled accurately. Unreal those tracks, damn!! Easily the new standard in representation, in my view, of the track proper. I imagine more than one real world racer uses time on them to learn new tracks, at least to some degree.
Graphics. I am not sure iRacing is necessarily thought of as a graphical masterpiece, but in taking a very close look at ultra high resolutions; in reality it is incredibly detailed, and realized. For example, watching replays of Legends TT or race events, you begin to notice just how good the graphics are. You perhaps have been too busy concentrating on the ultra realistic ‘everything car related’ precision one is treated to while driving.
FFB–FTW!!!!! Simply brilliant. The control adjustability is plentiful and a sweet spot for every driver no doubt exists.
Tire model. Whoops, there goes my jaw. Incredible may not do justice, but ‘useful in the real world of racing’ does, and I think at the very least iRacing easily can provide this type of support and realism from not only a visual standpoint but from the amazing things you feel in the wheel. Daddio. It’s so far off the hook it is the fisherman.
Seriousness Factor. iRacing makes not a single apology, past or present, for what it truly is–a diehard, hardcore, blood, guts, and bone type of sim that demands more than a casual glance from those that wish to rise to their true sim abilities. On the other hand, it isn’t GPL-like crazy hard to even drive. But to be at the top of the game, against all those real guys and gals, you either pay the price in time to get better, or be happy with your current ‘rank’. Of course, not everyone thinks like this, or demands that their sim of choice put them in the rattlesnake pit as part of the deal, for all of its dead seriousness, iRacing can make even a star of mediocrity such as myself happy.
Perhaps, not so well iRacing does this
Lack of Supplementary Immersion Enhancements and Devices.Pay to Play.
Sure, you know that going in, but trust me, after a while it sort of begins to wear on you. Given the hardcore nature of the sim, I nevertheless find myself dropping it for weeks at a time for no reason at all, then picking back up again. OF course, lately, it has been the case that I race at least once per TT week, but so far iRacing has not grabbed my ‘attachments’ in the way that GTR did, so long ago. Not so much a perfect physics and model thing with GTR, of course, but that package was laid down tight, and tossed so much innovation in your face it was easy to overlook the less than perfect tire model and physics, fantastic though, just not as highly refined as those in iRacing. In contrast, I have never played iRacing every day, at least four hours–sometimes as long as fourteen–for a solid four month period. Obsession, interesting features, compelling driving situations, day, night, weather, millions of MoTeC printouts, it was damn near the absolute perfect sim of all time to that point, in my opinion. I know, I know, iRacing was never touted to have that level of detail, such as LTT and weather effects, but I still can leave it at the drop of a hat and not think one guilty moment upon it.
Still, none of that changes the fact I am out nearly 1000 USD all said and done and bought.
Missing Pit Crews. I had hoped, since this was so well done in NR2003, that at least a partially implemented pit crew would surface, but so far none has. This is easy to overlook, really, and it seems to be a trend in other sims as well. I suppose that as long as the user has full control of pit changes as well as being the driver in and out of the pits, this isn’t such a big deal.
Missing sector times and telemetry. I honestly think both of these are soon to arrive, heck, already there is a community created version a fella did that got some great praise. I had hoped advanced timing and lap examination, like those found in netKar and the GTR series, would be here by now.
No weather. Sunny is fine, but a temperature change would be nice and some dynamic lighting as well. I don’t find this eye candy due to the fact real world driver’s deal with changing light conditions all the time and it does play a part in real driving. Certain shadows over certain bumps at certain tracks at certain times of the day can be real pissers, I would imagine. Considering the costly nature of the sim, one would hope that laser scanning was not the end of the effort.
For now, that’s all I got.
One thing is becoming clear, I find that this ever growing document is becoming less and less enjoyable to read, I can barely stand it! But I am going to stick with it just to see what is at the end of the road.
I still haven’t heard from that lady, but it has only been a couple days, but now I suspect, strongly, that I may never hear from her again. Now, that may be a sweeping statement of awareness, but there is no doubt that what was once fairly regular email communications, at least, have suddenly stopped, or, rather, taking a bit longer than what had seemed the trend of communication before. A couple of calls both met with messaging devices, but, as I said, it has only been a couple of days but you know how you just get that feeling in your gut that something is different? We had scheduled a night out tomorrow to play some pool, but I am wondering if that will happen now. Of course, this could simply be the far off meanderings of the wondering mind. Either way, it certainly will not be the end of the world, but it would be a bit sad as I really did enjoy her company, and it felt great to laugh like that with her. Don’t get me wrong—I haven’t hired a Preacher or bought a ring, that would be silly, but I did feel an attraction beyond the physical, and I hope that I will be able to see her again; she left a wonderful impression on me.
In the meantime, I have to figure out a way to turn this thing around and get back on the track of the racing simulators journal. I’ll figure something out.
March 29th, 2009
I tried to get MoTeC integrated with GTR2 on the new rig early this morning but was unable to achieve success. I am sure I will figure it out soon, and if I can’t there is always the internet to turn to. Power and Glory installed just fine, I drove the GT Gulf, I love that thing. I always seem to end up at Anderstorp, one of my all time favorite tracks. One odd thing, and I am sure it is something on my side, but when I select the Race option, and then select a track, it keeps taking me to Spa, for example. The first instance of this, Spa, was the last track I had driven on in GTR2, so there may be a connection.
GTR Evolution and RACE07 are both installed and running fine, I really do like that Evo, let’s face it, the ‘split’ was a lot more than a split when you have pretty much the entire development team leave and setup a new shop. Clearly, this transition was evident in continuing SimBin titles, but GTR Evolution stands just fine along the best of any sim, current or classic past. At least in my opinion. I had hoped that RacePro would have had more of a Evo fell to it, but even though RacePro was, and is, a bit rough around the edges, when played with the wheel and at least a bit of physical feedback via FFB workaround, it is a good drive. And the SimBin look and feel of things, the visual presentation, is carried over well to the console. I hope a patch is to arrive soon as I look forward to going far beyond the review work with a functioning FFB system.
*****
Got dreaded email last night. Lady has decided to see how things go with other fella. I feel bad; I seem to do well on the phone, and with email and other forms of electronic messaging. But not real meeting. I had a feeling in my gut that things were pretty much done and now that is for sure the truth. I feel that I am a disappointment in person sometimes, someone who is much less than what the other had thought through phone conversations. Plus, I made every mistake in book, and invented a few others.
One stupid thing was that I was in such a hurry to meet her that I really paid no attention to my appearance, the clothes, shoes, etc. I took it way too casual, and it was a mistake as she obviously spent a lot of time getting ready for this meeting. I had beer. Bad. I drink on occasion, mind you, I do, but I don’t drink a lot and had mentioned that fact in a phone conversation before we met. How wonderful, she must have thought, first thing I do is order a beer like worlds perfect idiot. Instead of reaching for mind, reach for beer.
Fool.
I could psychoanalyze this forever, but I can’t shake the feeling that I sabotaged this, perhaps subconsciously, for no discernible reason. What on earth was I thinking? I am not saying that it was totally the way I looked, but I will say that I took it more than a bit too casual, and while it may be true that she prefers the other guy she had been dating, it doesn’t change the fact that whatever slim chance I may have had was lost in the halls of ignorance. I think that I am a halfway decent person, I think that I have a lot to offer a woman, and bad looks aside I am an honest man. I am a man of his word.
You may also consider me the type of man who will do the wrong thing, at the wrong time, like clockwork. I simply don’t know any better. I think the best thing for me to do is reevaluate what it is that I am trying to accomplish here, and then try to determine why I screw it up every time, usually before it even gets started.
Then again—sometimes the diamond you spy does not sheen with complement upon your gaze.
*****
I don’t feel like writing much anymore. Besides dreaded email, got about six inches of dreaded snow, it’s like white concrete. I was able to get out of the driveway, fill up the dangerously low gas tank, buy more coffee and cigarettes, and then get back into the driveway all in about an hour, not bad for an eight mile round trip.
I hope tomorrow is a good day.
On September 11th, 2001, two planes flew into downtown New York City. 3,000 people died.
